Why Guys Like Me Rarely Stay In Places Like This

Despite my initial ambivalence, Salzburg, Austria was a surprising joy and I'd recommend it to anybody-- you see, other than 5 minute bits here and there over the years, I've never seen "The Sound of Music," so I had no real reason to visit this city, but I came away a fan of the place. So while the pics are in the process of being put up, I'll give you this story of our stay:

We stayed at the 5-Star Sheraton Salzburg, mainly because we got a great deal on the room. I've traveled a bit and stayed in my share of nice hotel rooms, but on the whole, the majority of hotels/motels I've stayed in are on the "budget" end of the spectrum (best worst place: some motel in the jerkwater town of Mount Vernon Missouri, located between I-44 and a cow pasture-- the place was so sketch I felt the need to barricade my door with my luggage). Anyhoo, I'm taking a shower in the Sheraton, but the light switches don't seem to activate the fan. I notice a cord hanging in the shower. It's the same material and thickness as some of those hotel clothesline deals, but it's hanging free, so I give it a tug to retract it-- nothing. I try again-- nothing. Hmmm, maybe it's for the bathroom fan, so I yank on it a few times. Nothing. What the deuce, man? It was at this point I noticed the sticker at the base of the cord: It was an emergency cord to alert the front desk that, ahem, I've fallen and I can't get up. And I must've pulled on that sucka 5-8 times by this point. A quick shout to B in the other room to alert the front desk that I didn't keel over or fracture my skull slipping on a loofah, and there we go-- nice touch, but you shouldn't let card-carrying Super-8/Howard Johnson Express Inn frequent guests like me near things like that. For the record, the fan never did work.

More on Salzburg later this week!