There And Back

Well, we managed to slip in and out of Paris in between the weather delays that have befouled most travelers in the northern hemisphere-- 1 extra hour at the Nuremberg airport, and a minimal delay from Paris on our return flight is nothing compared with what a lot of folks are still going through. The photos are in the midst of getting uploaded and sweetened in post-production (hint: the skies weren't always that blue), and will be up for all to see in due time. It was a great trip-- I daresay, one of our best, and while we're happy to be back home, our love of Paris has only deepened. More to come.

Off To Paris; Joyeux Noël!

Depending on whether or not the weather-related congestion of European airports clears up, B and I will be off to lurvely Paris, France for Christmas in the morning. I know it sounds sexy and all, but remember that tickets from here to there cost the same as Phoenix to El Paso on Southwest. Yes, we've been to Paris before (this will be something like B's 6th time there), but when you have a favorite city so close and another year in the rearview mirror, this seems perfectly natural. Because we've seen all of the A-List touristy sights and had our fill of the high-end restaurants in our previous trips there, this vacation will be decidedly and blessedly low-key. We're staying in a residential apartment rental in the funky 10th Arrondissement (district or neighborhood to you and me), slightly off-the-beaten path for yer average tourist, but a real up-and-coming area with a lot of energy and great vibe. But the plan is to have no fixed plans when we get there-- maybe hit a few secondary sights if the mood strikes; check out some of the next wave of (comparatively) affordable dining that's the new hot thing, but mostly... walk, explore, and relax in one of the world's greatest cities.

We thank all of our regular visitors, subscribers and commenters for stopping by the blog this year, and we wish you a happy and joyous holiday season. Au revoir!

Marketing 101: Know When To Nod And Smile--Christmas Pickle Edition

I honestly didn't know about the Christmas Pickle until we moved here, and I'm a big fan of Christmas.

In what may be a regional phenomenon, it seems like a lot of folks from the USA know about the pickle ornament, know its significance and possibly even the legend behind it. For those who are not aware, the pickle ornament (or sometimes even a real pickle) is hung last, in a remote location on your Christmas tree, and after the children have gone to bed. Come Christmas morning, the lucky youngster who first spots the pickle gets an extra present. There are several origin stories out there, the most popular being that a man of German extraction (usually identified as Bavarian) fighting in the American Civil War was starving in prison on/around Christmastime. A sympathetic guard scrounged up a pickle for the soldier, and it gave him the strength to persevere. The story continues that later, the soldier wrote back home and told this story to his family, who celebrated his recovery by hanging pickles on their Christmas tree, and thus began a cherished German tradition.

As tends to be the case with a lot of cool tales of this ilk, it also appears to be complete hogwash. There is no such thing as a German Christmas Pickle, and everybody I've asked either has no idea what I'm talking about, or rolls their eyes, tries to set the record straight and calls it an American thing. As we can see here and here (among many other places), it simply does not hold water, and the facts really don't support it-- for a start, German gift giving traditionally (certainly during the time of the Civil War) took place on December 6, the day of St. Nikolaus, and even today Germans open their gifts on Christmas Eve.

However-- and this may be where things get mashed up-- Germany has a fine and long tradition of glass blowing, and German Christmas ornaments are still considered to be the best. German ornament companies may or may not have had something to do with fostering this legend, but it's safe to say that they are doing banner business by keeping it going. So when Yankees go to noted German Christmas stores like the famous Kathe Wohlfahrt and ask them about the pickle... the store clerks certainly and wisely won't disabuse you of the notion that it's, ahem, an Old German Tradition. As for us, we first heard of this curious custom when we arrived here, so we will forever associate Christmas pickles ("Weihnachtsgurke") with Germany, and one will be hanging from our tree from here on in. Sort of our own German tradition, actually.

My Dear Germans: These are Called "Gloves." You Put Them On Your Hands.

Today's high was 23 degrees Fahrenheit with a wind chill that made it feel in the teens. It was a cold one indeed, and the weatherman says it's going to get colder. But I've observed that a good portion of the local citizenry-- at least one-third of all the adults I see on the streets-- don't wear gloves. Ever. I really don't get it. Maybe it's a Nuremberg thing (remember, we've been told it never snows in Nuremberg, all evidence and meteorological records to the contrary), or maybe it's my neighborhood, but this is some far-out behavior. Even the school kids don't always wear gloves-- like the grown-ups in my 'hood, they either jam their bare hands into pockets or retract them into their sleeves. I could make some snarky guesses as to why that is, from gloves' unusual translated name (Handschuhe, literally "hand-shoes") or that it impedes your cigarette habit, but I'm at a loss.

Winter Wonderland

A whopping 10 inches of snow descended overnight, and B took these great shots as I huddled at home nursing a low-grade flu. Sadly, we are in the midst of a temperature inversion, so all of this will be gone by tomorrow as temps will hit the high 30's. More snow and ice to follow next week, but I doubt it will be this fluffy or this pretty.

Q: When Is A Guy In A Red Suit And White Beard Not Santa? A: When You Live Here.

It's December 6th, the day German kids celebrate Nikolaus. It's important to stress that Sankt Nikolaus (Saint Nicholas, pictured) is in no way related to that jolly ol' soul generations know and love as Santa Claus... except that he kind-of is. Quite confusing, but then again, I still scratch my head as to why I have to sign things in triplicate to purchase a light fixture here.

Santa, that guy from all those cool TV shows when we were growing up (Burgermeister Meisterburger anyone? Heatmiser? Hello?), is known here as Weihnachtsmann, literally "Christmas Man," but routinely corrupted into the British term of "Father Christmas." Well, he and his stinking commercialized holiday happen on the 25th of December. The fact that Santa wears a red suit and has a white beard like Sankt Nikolaus is merely (cough cough) a coincidence. The name and date of the Nikolaus holiday comes from Nicholas of Myra, a Greek Christian bishop who died on December 6, 346 A.D. Nicholas of Myra was known for miracles, and for giving gifts to children. Just to muddy the waters, Nicholas of Myra is also identified with Santa Claus. But because Germans have some sort of inherent compulsion to make things way the hell more complicated than they need to be, beliefs and traditions about Nikolaus were probably combined with German mythology, particularly regarding stories about the bearded pagan god Odin, who also had a beard and a bag to capture naughty children.

More religiously oriented German parents encourage their children to leave out their shoes or boots for Nikolaus the night of the 5th; more accurately only one polished shoe, because (a.) two shoes makes you look greedy and (b.) polishing your kicks means you've been a good little boy or girl. Nik will come on his horse or donkey (the legend differs) sometime around midnight on the 5th and leave small gifts (coins, toys, sweets) in the boot just as the real Nicholas of Myra did back in the day. As for the naughty kids, would you believe that some family traditions have it that a switch (a tree branch or rod) is left in the boot, ostensibly for spankings, to tell the child that they don't deserve treats. Even more way out, in other families, a man disguised as St. Nicholas will visit the family or the child’s school alone or with his with his sinister-looking alter ego Knecht Ruprecht ("Farmhand Rupert" or "Servant Rupert," I'm not making this up) to question the children about their behavior. Children were often quite frightened of being questioned about their behavior because they’ve been told that Nikolaus will hurt them with his rod or even put them in a sack and take them away. Though the custom is in decline, in more Catholic regions, parents inform a local priest of naughty behavior. The priest then pays a personal visit wearing the traditional Christian garb to threaten the little rugrats with a beating. That couldn't possibly mess with impressionable young minds, could it?

So, to recap, in more religious households, there is the Nikolaus holiday which is the primary gift giving occasion, as well as Christmas (Weihnachten) itself, which is a celebration of Jesus' birth. Everybody clear? Good, because now I want to play my favorite video from my favorite Christmas Special-- Hermey The Elf (from Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, duh) is The Man, but his theme song ("I'm Just A Misfit") doesn't quite rock the house like this one does-- man, I spent half my college days with the following hairdo:



Frohen Nikolaus everybody!

Baby It's Cold Outside

That's a photo of the teeny bird bath on our front porch holding the latest batch of snow. As with a lot of the northern hemisphere, Europe is getting hit with a nasty cold snap at the moment, and relief won't be until next week (even then it'll be brief). Today's high in Nuremberg was 21 degrees Fahrenheit; right now it's 10F as I'm typing this. The snow is set to return on Sunday. Brrr.

Really Germany, This Doesn't Do You Any Favors (NSFW)

Judging by the traffic stats that the Blogger platform provides to me, the series of entries my friends came to call "German Perv Week" really set my hit counter going. So while I won't pander for visitors in principle, I can't actually go on record and say I'm above it either. That being said, this post may set the record.

In response to World AIDS Day, a German organization has devised an online video game that allows men to use their, er, units, to “cock out” the deadly disease in a boxing match using a high-tech condom and a webcam. I'm not making this up.

The idea is to raise awareness amongst younger men about condom use and AIDS through the medium of video games, ubiquitous with this demographic. So OK, I can see the logic in that, but dropping trou, putting some sort of foil thing on your schwanz and cavorting around in front of your computer's webcam seems so... German. This bit brings the term "joystick" to a different level of meaning, and furthers German's reputation as a bunch of deves.

The Cock Out website is here (sorry, German language only), and you can get the basic idea. The high-tech wrapper for your winkie (the things I look up to make for complete entries, I tell ya) costs 3 Euros, about $3.96 at today's exchange rate.

Finally, a prime example of the European TV commercial arts, the advert for this campaign and the video game. The lewdness is more hinted at than shown, but to keep your job intact it's probably best to view this from the comfort of your home or TwitterBerry-- there's plenty of ass cheek flashing. Have at it.