Want To Watch TV? Pay The Man.

I've taken a lot more dynamic photos to be sure, but here is a basic part of life in Germany: the quarterly GEZ bill. GEZ, short for the tongue annihilating Gebühreneinzugszentrale is the National agency tasked with collecting a broadcast fee from all households in the country. As you can see, we pay a princely €53.94 ($74.20 at today's rates) 4 times a year for the honor of, ahem, "free" TV, radio and internet. Over the years, GEZ has cast the net in ever-wider circles so that if you now own or use a "broadcasting device" you have to pay the fee. So people who don't have a TV but listen to the car radio, or have a computer or own a cell phone-- anything that can broadcast music or programming content-- have to pay the fee or face the consequences regardless if you have ever used it or not for that purpose. Some brave souls have done the civil disobedience route and refused to pay, but that sort of thing tends to result in the GEZ fuzz visiting with a search warrant or peering in your windows looking for TVs, radios (clock radios also count) or computer monitors and whacking you with a hefty fine and threats of greater punishment. Like I said, anybody not living in a cave has one broadcasting device or another in their daily life, and GEZ has sewn up the loopholes airtight-- even GPS devices in cars are considered broadcasting devices. So much for free radio and TV.

Weekend Getaway: It All Started With A Donut

Oh, that's right-- I have a blog. Apologies for the extended gap in entries-- I had one of my infrequent work projects crop up (truth be told, 2 at the same exact time), and that took all of my time. As I have mentioned previously, when the job entails sitting in front of a computer screen for 8-12 hours, the idea of spending one's downtime writing a blog update is out of the question. But sorry for the disappearing act-- I'll be sure to leave a note of explanation next time. Truthies!

Seeing as the aforementioned project was split into two halves, we did manage to slip out of town on Valentines Day weekend. No major destinations this time, just a "weekend break," as it's sometimes known here, to the close-by cities of Bamberg and Coburg. Our visitors and guests may recall Bamberg- 9 times out of 10, it's the place we take the out-of-towners to show them what "Germany" looks like, at least an idealized version of it. Bamberg is a small treat though, and is a UNESCO World Heritage site-- it really is authentically Medieval, owing to the fact that it was one of the few German cities of any appreciable size that did not get bombed in WWII-- and despite its touristy leanings, there really are plenty of sights to see. We chose to stay overnight at the 4-star Hotel Residenzschloss, the converted residence of a nobleman, and easily the swankiest hotel where all the bigwigs stay when in Bamberg. This of course was confirmed by their "wall of fame" in the reception area-- I mean, forget all manner of European politicians, sports stars and and celebrities-- Run-DMC and the Harlem Globetrotters stayed here!! To walk the same halls as Curly Neal and Jam Master Jay... wow, just wow. While it was arguably the most expensive hotel we've ever stayed at, hey, it was Valentine's Day weekend and dammit, we're worth it.

Coming into Bamberg on a Friday afternoon proved to be an inadvertent masterstroke-- this IS a tourist destination, no doubt about it, but to be in this picture postcard city when it's quiet and empty was a most pleasant discovery. Immediately after settling in, our first course of business was to find my Great White Buffalo of German cuisine: passable donuts. Now folks, I'm hardly a Homer Simpson donut obsessive-- back home, I was happy to have a chocolate old fashioned (or whatever) perhaps a couple times a season-- but I think it's the fact that I can't get the damn things here is what's setting me off. Anyway, our neighbors J & K tipped us off that the best donuts in the world can be found in Bamberg but only for a limited time-- the roughly 40 day period of the German Fasching celebration is generally the only time when donuts (known here as krapfen; never has a product been so aptly named) are sold country-wide. Based on this information and knowing that we liked Bamberg anyway, we sort of built this itinerary around the donuts. Well, not really, but kind-of.

Well, we found the place, and OMGZ, these were good-- there is a stand in the main shopping plaza dedicated only to making this one variety of donut, and they are made fresh right in front of you. These are filled (jelly) donuts, injected with a copious amount of rose hip jam--sweet, with a touch of bitterness, and they perfectly compliment the warm pastry. Success! We had exactly one each, and I was one happy expat. I take back all those things about Germans being unable to make to make donuts... henceforth, I will grouse about German's overt laziness in not applying themselves more to make good donuts... except in this ONE city for 40 days a year.

Like I said, Bamberg has other sights-- the massive hilltop monastery with amazing views, a palace (with large rose garden), the Bamberger Dom St. Peter und St. Georg-- the church holding the tomb of Pope Clement II (the only Papal grave outside of France and Italy), 10(?!) breweries, an area called "little Venice" owing to its houses and shops being right on the Regnitz river which bisects the town. It's a nice day trip or overnight stop for anybody heading through this part of the world.

Saturday morning greeted us with lousy weather-- falling temperatures and a mix of rain and snow. We chose to head out of Bamberg sooner than later, ditching out plan of heading up to the monastery and/or getting more donuts to head to out next destination, the pilgrimage church Basilica Vierzehnheiligen, dedicated to 14 saints. It's set on a hillside so it's quite easy to see from the highway-- B was told by a co-worker that it's the most beautiful church in Germany, so we took a minor detour to check it out. The exterior is pretty standard late Baroque/Rococo, but the interior... well... it certainly takes your breath away, though I'm still trying to decide if that's a good thing. I've never been a huge fan of hyper-ornate Rococo interiors-- they always remind me of a pastel wedding cake explosion-- and the Vierzehnheiligen has a reputation of being the absolute high-water mark of this style. It is amazing, I'll give it that, but almost to the point of sensory overload. Each of the 14 Saints (or Helpers) has their place to shine in the alcoves and nooks of this church-- the shot here (and please click on it for a larger version-- you really need to see this) is at the end nave looking on to the centrally placed altar.

After a brief lunch at a local monastery/conference center (?!-- gotta pay the rent somehow I guess), we struck on through worsening conditions to our final stop for the day, the Schloss Hohenstein, an actual 16th century castle that has been refurbished into a small hotel and restaurant. There wasn't a whole lot of information or decent photos available for this place, so we sort of winged it-- secretly, I feared a drafty old castle in subfreezing temperatures-- would they assign a couple extra dogs to the room like the old dukes and kings did when it was chilly? We needn't have worried-- the place was exquisite and very exclusive-- 13 rooms, of which only 3 were occupied that evening. We showed up fairly early so we had the run of the place-- ever poke around in an old castle (albeit one with a day spa, 2 restaurants and a massive espresso machine)? Granted, it was far enough outside the city of Coburg and dumping snow by the time we settled in, so we just hung out, did nothing other than order hot chocolate and... relaxed. My work project was brief but intense, and B was coming off of a busy period herself, so this was pretty danged neato. I should also point out that I had probably the best meal I've ever had while in Germany here at dinnertime (the castle restaurant is apparently known for being the best in the area, to the point that non-guests come here to mark special occasions), and overall it was a most memorable experience. Should anyone want a romantic quiet getaway in northern Bavaria, you could do much worse than check out this place.

And... that's about it. Back to my regular schedule for a few weeks, then another project. But until then, blogging will resume at its normal jerky pace.

Thank God Paris Hilton Will Clear This Up For Us

Slow news day here. According to this article in the reliably cheeky but solid English language German news site The Local, noted party girl/ celebutard and apparent mass transit enthusiast Paris Hilton is in the southwest German city of Stuttgart to, ahem, "educate herself" on the controversial Stuttgart 21 rail project. In a nutshell, Stuttgart 21 is a move to make the medium-sized city (best known as the HQ for both Porsche and Mercedes-Benz) a bit more relevant in terms of intra-European travel by means of an ultra modern train station (remember that trains are a preferred method of travel for many Euros) that will connect high speed rail to both Paris--the one in France, not the person in the photo-- and eventually Budapest Hungary. As tends to be the case with these sorts of massive public works projects, there are protests, problems, and accusations of malfeasance aplenty. I don't have a dog in this fight myself, though my personal observation of the Stuttgart station (I have been through there a couple times) is that there is definitely room for improvement, and that Nuremberg, a smaller city, has a much larger and more efficient train depot. But thank the stars that Ms. Hilton is making the effort to bone up on this boondoggle while taking time out of spokesperson-ing that undrinkable champagne in a can swill that she flogs.

Get 'Em Chewie!

I spotted this poster (click on photo for larger version) in the window of the local Communist Party offices whilst on my way to the capitalist grocery store to supply my decidedly bourgeois gluten-free diet. My first thoughts in this case were (1.) Wow, a Communist Party still exists? (truth be told, this office of theirs is never, ever open) ; (2.) I guess they are using Star Wars imagery (as convoluted as it is) in an attempt to get the younger generation involved. There is a long and abiding dislike between Germany and the the old Eastern Bloc dating back well before WWII (and there is that whole East Germany thing on top of it), so I doubt the Reds get a whole lot of traction here. Judging by the posters plastering the windows of this office, nearly all of the Communist party's ire is directed towards Neo-Nazism's creep back into the ranks of the disaffected younger generation. I'll leave that subject for some other time, but the short story is that we don't see too much of that sort of thing here in Nuremberg thankfully. Translated, the poster header says "Nazi Memory Block! Fight Historical Revisionism!" Smash those Empire goons Chewbacca!