Computer Problems, Please Stand By

Not much happening here at ExpatUSA HQ. Well, actually there are, it's just that I haven't been chronicling very well. The biggest news is that my laptop died in a spectacular flame-out, and I've been struggling to pick up the pieces.

The short version is that my laptop computer (a Dell XPS, which was temperamental almost from the beginning and is now known to have inherent cooling and hardware design issues) destroyed its internal hard drive LITERALLY as I was scrambling to download everything to an external hard drive. Everything-- and I do mean everything-- from the last 3 years was basically lost. All photos of Europe, my work portfolio, bills, tax information, every document, and all the rest... gone. And the external drive? Well, despite backing it up on a semi-regular basis (but not nearly enough, natch) it was found out post-mortem that the last data it had dated from April(?!) and there was something inherently wrong with THAT as well. The good folks at Geek Squad told me that they could rescue the data from the toasted hard drive for the low low price of around $1700, then cautioned that they had zero idea of just how much they could find, but I'd be on the hook for the total no matter how large or small the recovery. Submitting the external drive for recovery will cost about $850 with the same non-guarantee of the amount of data that can be rescued. So folks... like an IT guy told me: data isn't safe until it is in 3 different places (the computer itself, external drive, and a third storage method like cloud data services). Word to the wise: don't be like me. Computers are not infallible, and the best way to approach them is to assume all will be gone in a puff of smoke.

So instead of paying in to my retirement accounts and buying a lot of Christmas gifts, more pressing concerns arose-- like getting a new computer, and salvaging the remnants of the "old" laptop. The "new" system was a relative bargain, but still more than I was wanting to pay (especially at this time of the year), and the old laptop was outfitted with a new $65 hard drive and is consigned strictly to light web surfing and entertainment duty. I simply do not trust it for anything else-- this is the computer's 3rd hard drive since 2008 (readers with good memories will remember this post from 2010). On the bright side, seeing as I work from home, I can probably get this new computer deducted from my taxes.

Regarding the old laptop, I decided to have a bit of geek fun and try out a more experimental web browser, one that wasn't a bloated pig (cough cough, Firefox) given the computer's temperament and annoying desire to destroy itself every 18 months. Into the breach, I downloaded the nerd-rific open platform Arora browser, which is really REALLY bare-bones, but just about right for the computer's current usage and second-tier status. All in all, it's an OK browser, and does almost everything that other web browsers do with a few quirks along the way (it doesn't recognize or load certain web pages about 5% of the time), but overall it's pretty good. Light and fast, plus its logo (pictured) looks like the bear is dirty dancing with the globe, so it has that going for it.

More adventures soon, including the unexpectedly long road to re-integrating back to the USA lifestyle.

Nuremberg Book Swap This Weekend

This one's for my German readers in the Nuremberg 'hood.

By all accounts, she's doing a bang-up job herself, but my ol' buddy Katherine With a K (and if you're not reading her blog, what's stopping you?) has picked up the mantle and is currently hosting the Nuremberg Book and Media Swap this coming weekend (November 20, 2011) at O'Neill's Pub in Nuremberg. Projected turnout looks VERY promising, which means the pickings should be really nice. Bring your pre-loved books, magazines and DVDs for exchange, have a beer and hang with the Nuremberg expat community. You can read more about it here.

Renters!!!

OK, so we're living in a condo here in Portland. The place is pretty small, but really really nice-- the construction materials are absolute top notch, our patio looks out onto the Willamette River (the body of water which bisects Portland), and from here we have views of Mount Hood and the impressive Fremont Bridge (pics to come). It's a tony kind of place, and we really lucked out on getting it-- our landlord sees the condo as something of a lucrative nuisance he doesn't want to deal with all that much, so he vets his tenants well and sets the rent at FAR below market value so he doesn't have to deal with a lot of turnover. And our neighbors? Well, we are amongst the youngest folks in the building, and (judging by all the Audis, Land Rovers and BMWs in the parking garage) probably don't make quite as much salary as these high fliers, but whatever.

Like I said, we rent. The Portland housing market is rather fluid right now and shows no signs of settling down, so we have made the conscious decision to wait-and-see before we commit to home ownership. I also said we rent in a very upscale condo on the waterfront. And because of this, some of our neighbors treat us like dirt. Interestingly, our previous place in Portland (6 or so years ago, and pre-Germany) was a similar situation-- the smallest house on the block of a fairly upscale neighborhood, and we rented that as well. In both situations, when the neighbors first heard we were bottom-feeding renters, you'd have thought I told them that that we were running a puppy mill with the proceeds from our meth lab. Hey folks, sorry we don't have crazy amounts of cash lying around to actually purchase these places, yet still have the gall to want to live in these nice neighborhoods. In the end, we proved to be excellent neighbors when we lived at the house, and it had better curb appeal than some of the other places on the block-- I made sure of that personally. I expect that our current neighbors will find that out as well. Eventually, anyways.

Dear Germany: How Can I Miss You If You Won't Let Me Leave?

What, you thought I'd given up on blogging dear reader? Nope, just trying to get our sea legs as we adjust to the whipsaw that is life back in the United States after a prolonged time away. Just think... free WiFi wherever you go, bottomless cups of (delicious) coffee, stores open past 8:00PM and all day on Sundays, re-acquainting ourselves to that wondrous thing known as "Happy Hour," and English... glorious, loud, inappropriately yammering on your cell, ignorant, wonderfully understandable English everywhere. Like I said, it's been an adjustment.

Part of that adjustment was living in a sort of enforced limbo as our belongings made their way back from Europe and living in a glorified hotel room for 2 months waiting for our stuff, all the while scrambling like hell during every second of downtime to find a permanent place to live, car to purchase, employment for yours truly, and reconnect with all our friends- some of whom we hadn't seen in 3+ years. It was, in a word, exhausting. But with the benefit of being mostly settled here in Portland, I think there's enough emotional distance to discuss just how botched this move really was-- it was comically awful in some bits, and as the title suggests, it's not actually complete. In some ways, we still aren't moved out of Germany quite yet. Here follows a less-than-comprehensive listing of our travails over the last 2.5 months:

- Our German bank lost several thousand Euros of our money-- we asked for a portion of our German savings to be transferred to our USA account, and it just disappeared into the ether. It was mistakenly sent to some account in New York state far as I can follow it. To the bank's eternal discredit, they were a lot more interested in covering their tracks, ignoring our requests to see the paper trail and shifting the blame than in, you know, actually locating the cash. It took almost 2 weeks for it to reappear.

- Part of B's Euro contract was that the German branch of a VERY WELL KNOWN accounting firm was supposed to file our US taxes for us. Whoops, they kinda didn't really do that, and when their local US offices heard from us upon returning two things happened immediately: (1.) they lawyered up, and (2.) we got treated like radioactive lepers. Understandably, they wanted to be well and truly clear of the blast zone from the fallout of their German cohorts who they all but admitted were incompetent. Taxes all paid up and a couple hundred dollars in late penalties later, we're all good but this could have been easily avoided if somebody had just done their damn contractually obligated job. We're still hashing out who ultimately should pay the late fees.

- B's German health insurance company continued to bill our account months after we left, stating that we hadn't proved that we moved out of the country to their level of satisfaction. Excuse me?

- T-Mobile Germany did not want to let us out of our cell phone contracts which expire in January, and insisted that they continue to bill our bank account monthly-- except that we want to close out our bank account. After a seemingly endless round-and-round, they made an exception to bill the account in a lump sum. They weren't terribly happy with it-- this was considered an "extraordinary request." Trust me, I wasn't happy with it either.

- Despite moving out of our German apartment on August 9, that hasn't been closed out yet and we still have not received our hefty deposit back. The jackhole who was responsible for the shoddy construction of the apartment from 3 years ago was now the rental agent, handling the move-out protocol for our landlords who live several hours away. This struck me as quite odd seeing as our landlords are still trying to sue this guy to repair his construction errors but whatever. Long story short, replacement renters weren't found, so by law we were on the hook for 2 more months of rent and HOA fees-- then the tool rental agent thought that since we weren't in the country anymore and couldn't defend ourselves, he could get us to pay for his building errors (remember, our apartment walls were never properly sealed from moisture and steadily leached saltpeter), insisting that we had to pay to repaint large portions of the apartment with a special-- and quite expensive ($1000!!)-- sealant paint. When this brazen cash grab was shot down cold by the landlords themselves, he then re-entered the (empty) apartment and cranked up the heat to approximately 90 degrees (in August!) in an attempt to tamp down the moisture in the walls. Despite photographic evidence that we turned off all thermostats upon leaving, we are now expected to pay the utility bill for these 2 months ($200 or so) and the landlords have chosen to sit this argument out. Cowards. We have exhausted all other avenues of mediation, and the idea of getting a lawyer to haggle over $200 in order to get back the rest of our deposit seems pointless, so if we want our deposit back this decade we'll have to suck this one up. The HOA-type fees are another matter with a different person (the building Super), and because we actually have been owed a refund since July, he has shown little interest in settling the bill.

If we're really lucky, we may be able to close out all of our remaining German accounts and contracts by Thanksgiving (late November to the non-American readers). I'm not sure that's a realistic date, but that's the goal.

Time, distance and the glacially slow resolution of most of these issues have removed most of the bile in my system. I tried to blog several times before, but the posts were rather venomous-- I was absolutely stunned that we just could not resolve anything without the aid of no less than 2 different relocation agents, multiple phone calls and a flurry of correspondence. I mean, surely people have attempted to leave Germany before, right? But anyway, that's all behind us for the most part and I can devote some time to talking about Portland's food scene (I've easily gained 10 pounds since returning), posting some more pics and trying to figure out where exactly to take this blog.

The photo up top is none other than comedian Mike Meyers in his recurring role of Dieter, host of a fictitious German chat show named Sprockets as seen on Saturday Night Live. As I recall, this character was based on a real person, a hockey-obsessed German waiter in Meyer's hometown of Toronto. For a taste of this classic skit, check out here, or for a rather abbreviated version of the same, try here.

Glad to be back, and more posts on the way!

Time's Up

So damn true-- sing it Jimmy!

Well, that was quick. The movers come tomorrow morning, we do the official walk-through and handover of the apartment on Thursday and we're flying back to the USA early Friday morning. I attempted to write a few blog entries throughout this process, but they all came across as rather bitter and angry, so they never got posted-- I've moved enough times to know that this move wasn't handled especially smoothly, but then again I'm not paying for the relocation, so I'm not really in a position to complain too much. But we weren't quite done with Germany or Europe to be honest. Yes, Portland is our home and there is nowhere else I'd rather live in the USA... but we still wish we had more time to do... well, all those things we wanted to do, from my silly "Teeny Tiny Country Tour" of European microcountries (Luxembourg, Andorra and Lichtenstein), more Spain for B, seedy second tier French cities like Marseille and Toulouse, London, maybe give Berlin a second try (because the first time we found it borderline revolting much to everyone's surprise), and so forth.

I'm sure I'll give some better analysis and insights as my head clears, the stress ebbs away and the place doesn't reek of cleaning fluid and cardboard boxes. But I really do recommend living abroad to anybody-- it does widen your horizons, gives you an appreciation for other cultures and points of view and generally makes you appreciate just how good America is. One other thing: It also makes you want to live abroad again. I'd like to think that sometime down the road-- maybe not in the immediate future, perhaps closer to retirement-- we'll update the passports, sell off the home furniture, dust off the big suitcases and hit the road.

More thoughts soon, as well as the future of this here blog-- maybe I burn off the remainder of the embarrassingly large number of photos I never got around to posting; perhaps I shift this over to a Portland-based blog; perhaps start a new one. I'm sort of undecided at the moment.

B and I would like to thank all of you who stopped by this little outpost on the interwebs-- it's been a fun ride, and we're not quite done yet. Stay tuned. In the meantime, enjoy the linked video-- it's an old favorite of B's, and perfectly sums up our feelings right now. It'll be great to go home, make no mistake-- but we still wouldn't mind lingering for just a little bit longer.

Half-Assing It

(1.) "Hey, aren't you leaving the country or something?
-Yes,and all too soon.

(2.) Are you ever going to post those pictures of your Barcelona vacation?
-Sort of.

The relocation back to the USA has been proceeding at an infuriatingly glacial pace, though we are expected to move at a rocket sled-like clip once we get all the facts and dates in... and sadly, that really hasn't happened despite/because of an oft-revised-- sometimes pushed forward, sometimes pushed back-- move-out date as dictated by B's employer (who are handling the actual logistics). As of today, it would appear that it's going to happen on or about August 10... except that the arranged temporary housing they set up in the USA doesn't kick in until the 15th, making us homeless for 5 days. It's a weird two-step we have to work with-- As I've been saying for nigh on 3 years here, Germany is different, so we have to more or less gut the apartment (renters in Germany are generally responsible for purchasing and installing all light fixtures and their entire kitchen, then removing everything upon leaving an apartment), and yet still figure out how to live here before the moving truck arrives. We're dumping all of our goods from the microwave to the car at fire sale pricing, and even something as basic as that was a hot mess due to a flubbed posting date that gave the general public a shot at the goodies before our circle of friends had a proper crack at it. We're going to lose thousands of Euros on the car alone, give away/donate a whole mess of other stuff (what? nobody needs a coffee maker?!) and we really can't do much about that-- we've run out of time. The actual paper trail of moving out has been a bit of a slog as well-- in Germany, canceling a contract is a 3-month process, meaning that even if you move out of the country you still have to pay your rent-- we notified our landlord on June 30, so we're obligated to pay rent until September 30 if nobody else wants to move in. We also found out from our local relocation agent (and thank the stars we have one of those) that certain papers have to be filed after we physically leave. I joked with blog doyenne Katherine With a K that for a country that really didn't want us here in the first place, Germany sure makes it hard to leave. Oh, I should mention that B has been in China on business for the last 2 weeks so our ability to coordinate and communicate with each other and the relocation company has been severely hampered. I wish I could spin this with my usual jollity and snark, but the process has become a long, slow grind. All moves stink whether it's across the street or halfway across the world. The fact that we have to work with 8-10 different people on 2 continents (while B is in a third continent) who aren't necessarily speaking with each other makes this one especially, um, challenging.

So between fending off the likes of ravenous buyers trying to nickel-and-dime me on the DVD player (and who then expect drop-off delivery 3 cities away-- true story), being at the beck-and-call of my relocation person for impromptu meetings and contract cancellation visits to the power company and attempting to keep the place clean for drop-by apartment hunters and assorted furniture buyers, I finally got around to posting the Barcelona photos. I really don't know if anybody bothered to read the commentaries I wrote for the previous photo sets-- if you haven't then feel free to proceed to the photo site and jump right in. For those who do read them, well it's still a work in progress. Part of it has to do with my lack of time; the other part of it has to do with the fact that the middle third of the photos were taken in "parts unknown"-- we really just wandered around wherever the wind took us, and I have no clear idea of where we were. Trying to cross-reference guide books and maps to get a bead on things (not to mention researching and writing about them) is terribly time consuming, and that seems to be one commodity I don't have at the moment. Patience, please. Barcelona photos can be accessed by the link on the right hand side of the page, or simply clicking here or here.

As with everything folks, this shall pass and we'll be out of here soon enough. In fact, I've hatched a crackpot plan that will give us one final Euro holiday weekend on the way back to the USA. Don't want to jinx anything, and everything is contingent on getting those move-out dates locked down and the destination to be reasonably affordable that it won't break our piggy bank (remember that August is high tourist season here on the Continent). More soon on that.

Photo is of the famous Sagrada Família Church in Barcelona, the most famous structure in the city and probably the most important piece of Surrealist architecture in the world. Construction began in 1822, and it still has several decades to go before it is completed. It's less than half-complete-- sort of like our move and my photo captions. See? I really work hard to tie everything together thematically!

Eww... Bad Form.

So there I was, minding my own business with my buddy J at the Schanzenbräu brewery warehouse this afternoon, enjoying a cold hoppy helles beer. Schanzenbräu is an interesting story-- they were car nuts who happened to brew beer as a hobby. Over the years, their beer got more attention than the American muscle cars they imported into Germany and lovingly restored-- so now it's a growing brewery (and local restaurant) that also dabbles in classic Detroit iron restoration. Anyhoozle, J is a graphic artist by trade and has been working with Schanzenbräu to bring out some new T-shirt designs. One of his designs has the red-and-white Franconian flag prominently displayed (Franconia is the northern region of Bavaria, and Nuremberg is generally considered its capitol). For the purposes of the display, the design was mocked up on a black T-Shirt. No less than 3 people-- both the brewery owners and some random guy standing off to the side reacted immediately and negatively to this image on J's computer-- we were told that black, red, and white were a very VERY bad combination, and that they didn't want to "associate our beer with Nazis." Um, excuse me? Turns out that those 3 colors carry a lot of heavy historical weight in these parts still-- red, white and black were also the color of the Nazi flag. Whoopsie!

As soon as I heard that, my mind shot immediately back to the odd reception I got last year when I wore my Saint Kilda Saints jersey into town. Saint Kilda is an Australian Rules Football team, and you can see their jersey ("jumper" in Aussie speak) in the photo being modeled by all-galaxy player Nick Riewoldt. I have a long-sleeve version of this jumper, and I distinctly remember the day we went into town-- I got a LOT of attention, and even B mentioned it-- I figured it was because it's a pretty distinctive jersey, Germans are pretty sports crazy yet don't follow Aussie Footy, and they were trying to figure out what I was wearing. Um... whoopsie? Readers may be relieved to know that while I have an Aussie Rules Football jersey (I love that sport), I do not own the crazy socks or a pair of those short-shorts-- have to draw the line somewhere.