Boldog Új Évet Kivánok, Ath Bhliain Faoi Mhaise, Bonne Année, Felice Anno Nuovo, Gutes Neues Jahr, and Happy New Year

It's 12:45am on January 1st as I write this, but for my friends back in the States, festivities are just getting underway and Dick Clark is likely being awakened from his cryogenic slumber right about now so he can host another New Year's Rockin' Eve. The curious German Silvester (New Year's) tradition of lighting semi-professional level fireworks can still be heard and seen through the windows, and we're just winding down our evening here.

The header/title is "Happy New Year" in all the languages of the places we visited in 2009: Hungarian, Irish (Celtic), French, Italian, and German (Austrian). It's been a wild ride here, our first full year on the ground in Europe. Based on what we already know, this new year looks to be both more settled and more hectic at the same time. We wish all of our readers (and all you lurkers too, ya creeps) a very good 2010!

The Rome Report

We returned from our Christmas holiday in Rome (St. Peter's Basilica pictured) last night, and we're still playing catch-up, restocking the pantry, reading the mail and doing the laundry. Despite some so-so weather (though we thankfully missed the blizzards spanking most of Europe and northern Italy), we had a blast, and Rome really is a great city with so much to see and do no matter where your interests lie, be it art, architecture, history, food or general people watching. While the Paris photos from October still need to be posted (getting close), there were more -- a LOT more-- Rome shots that need to be sorted, edited, cleaned up, etc. Suffice it to say it was a fine time, and we couldn't complain too much about Christmas day either-- 60 degrees and sunny! More impressions and photos coming soon, but for now, it's good to be back in dreary, grey Germany. OK, maybe not, but we're giving our wallets a rest-- for all its positives, Rome was pretty expensive!

Arrivederci e Buon Natale!

In our attempt to flee the bitter cold and snowy climes of our adopted hometown (it was 1 degree last night-- I'm talking Fahrenheit folks, not Celsius), and gift ourselves with a little something to celebrate our first full year in Europe, we're off to celebrate Christmas with a week in Rome, Italy. We figure half the population of northern Italy is currently here in Nuremberg at the famous Christkindlesmarkt, so it's time to return the favor. Wandering, museums, great food, and soaking in the history and atmosphere of the Eternal City are on tap, and after the, um, dynamic year we've had, a little RnR is most definitely in order. Merry Christmas-- or as they say in Italy-- Buon Natale everybody!

I'm Sure This Means Something Different In German... Well Maybe Not in This Case

Not a photoshop trick people, this place really is named Assmann (Seinfeld fans unite!). Far as I can tell, this is a temp agency-- "Zeitarbeit" is a combination of two words (Germans love to do this, and the grammatical rules are a complete mystery to me-- just ram two or more words together and you get a new one, like coffeetablebook or something) meaning "Time" and "Work," and I believe Assmann is an actual German surname, not a nickname or predilection. Of course, I would be most remiss in my juvenile attempts at humor if I didn't mention a wonderful resort town right on the Rhine River: Assmannshausen, or to use corrupted (and therefore incorrect) German, house of the Assmann.

Cultural Collision Course

With the downtown Altstadt packed with holiday shoppers, it seems like some basic underpinnings of German culture really come to the fore. One of my pet peeves and something I never could understand about the locals has to do with their interpretation of "personal space" and the never-ending subtle game of chicken you always play when you're in a crowd. Germans really think nothing about walking 3 or 4 abreast on a sidewalk or crowded area, seemingly daring anybody to break up the line. Then there's this weird "intercept" thing, where I swear somebody figures out where you're going to be in 3 steps and deliberately alters their course to be in that spot at the same time. Lines? Forget about it-- we saw one guy last night who muscled past a good 10 people to stand in front of a popular tourist attraction (Nuremberg's famous Schöner Brunnen fountain) and get his picture taken-- and nobody batted an eye. From an outsider's perspective, it's exactly this sort of behavior that gives Germans their reputation for being rude-- they don't see it that way of course, but then again, they don't get torqued when some middle-aged lady jumps the deli line when you're up next... like me.

I'm Sure This Means Something Different In German (An Occasional Series)

The joke sort of writes itself, doesn't it?

A "Metzgerei" is a sort of butcher shop/deli combo, but this particular store is a play-on words, as it specializes in animal food. So... instead of a doggie bag, I guess you ask for a barf bag? Cheap joke, but appropriate-- that dog looks crazed.

Paris photos... soon! Maybe! Eventually!!

It's The Hoff's World; We Just Live in It

Spied on the back window of a van on my way to the post office. As we were heading over to Germany, we were advised that actor/singer/talent judge and hamburger enthusiast David Hasselhoff was (is?) a minor music star here, but this is the first sign of fan-dom I've seen. Obviously, it's an oldie from his Knight Rider days, and looks to be some sort of freebie sticker from a Hot Wheels car-- translated, it means "The Hottest of Wheels." The MTV European Music Awards show (which took place in Berlin) was broadcast last month, and "the Hoff" was there, looking sweaty, bloated, with a little too much plastic surgery work done... and obviously quite drunk. There are several videos around of this goofus at the show-- the backstage stuff shows him to be even more blotto-- but his 90 second presentation (he walked out to his song "Looking for Freedom," which charted in Germany around the same time the Berlin Wall came down, which he referenced, sort of) is plenty enough for me. That awards show was a trainwreck from start to finish by the way.

Landlocked Booze Cruise

Taken this weekend. Behold, an original, old skool Nuremberg trolley that predates the current modern trams that circumnavigate this fine city. The city and public transit department haul these old trolleys out from time-to-time, including flat-bedding them downtown to make for teeny tiny stores/info booths. This time however, the public transit department was offering folks the opportunity to buy a ticket and ride the rails in style, complete with German Christmas markets' signature drink, the truly icky Glühwein (take the cheapest nastiest red wine you can find, dump sugar, cloves and other low-rent liquor into it, heat it up to simmer and presto, a sickly sweet hangover-inducer. Suffice it to say, the stuff sells like gangbusters here), and Christmas sweets, like the Nuremberg specialty known as Lebkuchen cookies.

Apparently, one can rent out a trolley for an afternoon as well-- we saw a wedding party in one earlier this summer and they did not follow the "standard" tram routes. This Christmas tour looks neato enough, but those wooden seats and no heat (other than the booze) and these cool temps would make me think twice. I do love me some lebkuchen though...

Smart. Very Smart (an occasional series).

Goodness knows, I spend a good part of my time blogging about how different and strange it is here. There are, however, quite a few things the Germans and Europeans do right, from smart parking garages to little things like this: You can purchase certain items without the unnecessary packaging. What you see here is my selection at the grocery store for the same item-- you can purchase this toothpaste with its cardboard box for €1.99, or the same exact thing (with tamper-evident seals) without the box for €1.29-€1.39. The only difference is the box-- something that's going to be tossed in the recycling bin anyways. Save some money, save some trees.

Mail Call

This is a familiar sight to all city dwellers here-- a yellow German Post office (Deutsche Post) bicycle. The outrigger front wheels drop down and retract like a kickstand to keep the bike upright whenever the postal worker is on a delivery. In all my time here, I don't ever recall seeing mail carriers delivering in trucks-- that owes a lot to the way the cities are laid out, how busy traffic can get and just how lousy the parking situation is.

Duetsche Post is not the only game in town however. I often see the red bikes of NordbayernPost (North Bavaria Post) plying the streets. Unlike the USA, as of 2008 mail delivery in Germany is not a government monopoly, and NordbayernPost is one of the many small--and not so small-- private companies looking to make waves. Deutsche Post is also notable in that they own the DHL shipping and freight company, and a lot of their branches have a bank inside (the Deutsche Post-owned Postbank). I sort of like the bank idea-- it's convenient as all get-out, and that's 2 places where standing in line is a common occurrence (post offices and banks).

Small Car Week Continues!

This photo was shot one day after I took the pics of the Ligier (see post below), and is another, altogether more successful European "city car." It's the Fiat 500, a model that was produced from 1957-1975, with running style and equipment upgrades throughout the years-- I'm thinking this is a model from the early 1960's. Click on picture to enlarge-- it's waiting at the light next to a current Honda Civic hatchback-- this car is tiny. It may not be any more highway-worthy than the Ligier, but it is a much better looking machine. Fiat has done the retro-new thing with the "Nuovo 500"-- New 500 (think VW New Beetle or Mini), and it's a smash hit-- you see the new 500's all over the place here. And now that Fiat has bought Chrysler, you should start seeing versions of this car in the USA. One word of caution: Much as it pains me to say this, Fiat's reputation for, ahem, variable quality remains so buyer beware. Shame, seeing as this new 500 is one of the few Fiats I would ever consider.

For Those Who Think The Smart Car Is Too Big...

That's actually not a car in the eyes of Johnny Law here-- it's something called a quadricycle, which is to say, it's a 4-wheeled covered scooter. What we have here is a Ligier (say "li-zhay") Excellence, and hot damn, it is tiny-- that Mercedes A-Class parked in front of it is actually more than a foot shorter than a Volkswagen Golf to give you an idea. The concept of quadricycles is to give the driver an errand car for getting around the city (they apparently have a small market being sold as a vehicle to tow behind your Winnebago), and they can not be taken out on the open road-- indeed, the maximum allowable speed limit is 30 km/h (a tick under 19 mph), and there are a lot of scooters that have larger engines than this clown car. For the expense (the current version of this vehicle sells in England for the equivalent of $16K), lack of space, and near zero safety (not being classified as cars allows quadricycles to skirt safety regulations, and their bodies are largely plastic) this thing gives, you may as well just buy a good used car.

Race car companies like Ferrari, Panoz and Maserati use the cachet of their on-track success to sell road vehicles. Formula One geeks like me remember that back in the day Ligier had a modest degree of success in the race arenas, which they parlayed into, um, this. Go figure. To find out more about the wonderful world of quadricycling, check out Ligier's website.

A Leftover From 2006

You may have to click on the pic for a closeup, but the paintjob done to this particular lightpost (located just outside the Altstadt near the Plärrer transit corral) hearkens back to 2006 when Germany hosted the World Cup soccer tournament and Nuremberg was one of the 12 cities where the games were played. The World Cup is the most widely-viewed sporting event in the world, with an estimated 715 million people(!?!) watching the 2006 final, and the qualifying games are well under way for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa-- 204 national teams are playing in tournaments to winnow that number down to the 32 squads that will head to Africa next summer. For more information of Nuremberg's part in the 2006 World Cup, match scores and participants and a good pic of Nuremberg's curious elongated octagonal stadium, Frankenstadion click here for an archived recap.

Ah, The Joys Of Freelance Work

With the economy still a little shakey and with B holding down a very good-paying job, I really can't complain about things TOO much, but I figured I'd share my experiences anyway. As a freelance copywriter and consultant I do feel very lucky and blessed to have a part-time source of income and a slowly-increasing portfolio of clients, and I quite like the fact that I'm getting to branch out a bit and do some different things (corporate communications, research, translation-interpretation and even sourcing rare automotive parts-- quite the resume expander, eh?). But as is the nature of the beast, the work is feast-or-famine and usually last-minute deadline driven. For example, for my last major project I was contacted 4:00pm on a Thursday to do a labor-intensive assignment with the deadline of Midnight Friday. Don't get me wrong, the pay was great but it necessitated completely clearing my schedule, and was the only significant work I received in about 3 weeks. I know it's all about building your base, paying your dues and getting a reputation as a super-sub or ASAP-king before your name gets put in the front of the Rolodex, but it gets aggravating at times.

To bridge the gap, even out the peaks and valleys of the pay cycle and stay busy I applied to one of the several web-content providers out there-- the folks who employ the armies of freelance writers, editors, filmmakers, and so forth whose work you see all the time when surfing the web (when you go to YouTube to see a film on how to zest lemons; when you type in an inquiry about what wine goes with Mexican food, etc.). After several weeks and a few tests (semantical obstacle courses), I was awarded the plum role as an editor of sorts, the guy who checks to make sure the title of the articles is both descriptive enough when casting about for writers/experts to create the text, and has proper keywords for when Joe Web Surfer looks it up. Heady stuff, and an incredibly cheap feeling of power-- I am the gatekeeper of web content!! Ahem. Cheap indeed-- after going through all of the applications and tests, it was only then revealed that these content providers pay peanuts, and can do so because there are tens of thousands of folks who are willing to do this sort of thing. So writing an article about how to sew buttons on your jacket may net the writer all of $2-3 with zero royalties, and folks like me get paid $0.01 per title. That's not a misprint: one cent. And it's taxable! So to make $50, I'd have to submit (and have approved) 5000 titles. I found it all amusing, and maybe I'll actually start doing something with these guys just for snicks, and make, like, a quarter a day just to boost my CV. But being a freelancer isn't all just setting up shop in a coffeehouse with your laptop and a Latte Mocciatto-- it involves hustling, a lot of networking, and a fair amount of luck. The good news is that all of my freelance income (the stuff that actually pays, not this penny ante crap) is heading straight into our retirement account, so we're doing OK.

It Was 20 Years Ago Today...

I would be most remiss if I did not note the anniversary of one of the more dramatic events in recent history (German or otherwise): On November 9, 1989 the Wall came down, and Germany was on the path to unification. It's impossible to ignore the local news coverage reminding us of this day/event, and obviously, the world press is mentioning this anniversary as well. Viewing this as an outsider, there still seems to be a gap between "Ossis" and "Wessis" (East and West Germans) one full generation later, but that is slowly fading. I'll leave the analysis and reporting to the experts, though it is interesting to note that the fall of the wall (or at least its initial opening) was due to miscommunication and a series of mistakes. All I can remember is that I was still in my senior year of college wondering where my life was going to take me, and Germany was just some place on the far side of the globe. For an excellent computer simulation and mini-documentary of the German wall, I heartily encourage you to check out this link for a 10-minute movie produced by the Deutsche Welle news network (this film is in English)-- the lengths the East Germans went to to prevent escape (14 cm spikes embedded in the ground?!?!) is pretty harrowing stuff. While "official" German unification was not completed until October 1990, its beginning was 20 years ago today.

God Save Us From Don King

The eyes of the sporting world turn ever-so-momentarily to our adopted hometown of Nuremberg tomorrow night. Fans of the sweet science already know this but for everybody else, the World Boxing Association (WBA) Heavyweight Title will be contested here. Frankly, I'm really not sure exactly why it's going to be here, seeing as the champ, 7'2" 300+ pound Nikolai "The Russian Giant" Valuev is from St. Petersburg, and is fighting British motormouth and former undisputed Cruiserweight champ David "The Hayemaker" Haye. I mean, I think the Russkie speaks a bit of German, but as to why this medium sized city in Northern Bavaria was chosen for a worldwide televised championship fight is anybody's guess. Still, it's nice to see Nuremberg in the sporting news once more-- the soccer team's glory years were in the mid-late 1960's, the basketball team folded 2 seasons ago, the hockey team is middling at best, and currently, the best known athlete from Nuremberg is this guy. But... seeing as there will be TV cameras rolling and he's promoting the fight, I'm sure Don King will be in town for a spell as well, doing his darndest to set back German-American relations by a couple decades. I'll be on the lookout for him, that's for sure. For more photos and typical Fleet Street news coverage of the bout, check here-- that Russian is huge!

I Finally Got To See A College Football Game!

Living abroad as we do, whenever we run into some other expats, the conversation invariably turns to the same topic: "what do you miss from home?" After mentioning the super-obvious (friends and family, duh), we occasionally wax rhapsodic about Portland being a foodie heaven with an ample supply of wine shops and world class bars; sometimes we'll get misty about our quasi-pet, the neighbor's cat who ended up spending all of his time at our place, but a lot of the time it's the little things, the touchstones of home-- comfort foods like a decent (and bottomless!) cup of coffee, late night runs to both Zien Hong and the sinful goodness that is the 24-hour, 365-days open Sesame Donuts (breathe there a man with a soul so dead that he would not cast his eyes upon the perfection that is their Chocolate Old Fashioned and declare "by God, THAT is a donut!"). Like I said, the little things.

But I really missed my Saturday tradition of watching college football on the TV from 9:00am 'til whenever. I was blessed to have a very understanding wife who knew my love of the game, and put up with bouts of occasional fanboy screaming at the TV for hours on end. But with the move and the exorbitant cost of cable TV here, it simply could not happen (to get ESPN Europe, you would have to pay a king's ransom, and even then, you would be locked into an ironclad 1-year contract, and only get a sliver of the "regular" US programming, so the idea of spending over 1400 Euros to see maybe 20 football games all year was a bit of a non-starter). Slingbox, the darling technology of the expats, works only if you have a confederate back home with both cable TV and super high-speed internet connection... who wants to watch the same exact programming at the same time. So I suffered in silence, watched the scores update themselves every 60 seconds on Yahoo Sports, maybe caught an occasional online radio broadcast of a game that wasn't blocked (legally, you have to block these things from international listeners, but sometimes stations forget to switch on the jammers)-- hardly a dynamic evening.

As they say in Indiana, sometimes even a blind pig finds an acorn. I was tipped off to a likely extralegal website that rebroadcasts sports games on the internet, and holy cow, it actually worked. So the first college football game I saw in over 13 months happened to be my alma mater Purdue (the best 3-5 team in college ball, baby!) beat the woeful Fighting Illini of Illinois, followed by a stream of other games-- I hate to admit it, but I was up until 3:00am this morning watching football, seemingly trying to make up for lost time. It was great. All I needed was a donut to make my evening complete, but you can't get everything you miss in the same evening.

Safe!

Things are finally settling back to normal here at Expat HQ. B's job is safe. Without going too deeply into it or unfairly (or fairly, whichever) bashing her employer, let's just say that the last 3-4 months have been trying times here, and we lived under the constant pall of this whole adventure of living abroad ending a lot quicker than we expected. So instead of having the time of our lives in Paris a couple weeks ago, it was more subdued than either of us had planned-- fun yes, but wistful. The fantastic news is that by surviving this round of "right-sizing," B is spared from any further staff reductions, and we can pick-and-choose the timing of our departure instead of her company. This called for a celebration, so I busted open the piggy bank and got a bottle of the fantastic Laurent-Perrier Brut Millésimé 1997 champagne. A great exclamation point to a great piece of news.

It's Snowing In Germany!

It wasn't that bad, but it is always disconcerting to find it was actually snowing (light flurries, actually) yesterday. Today, it was coming down harder and actually stuck. I was debating on whether or not to put on my shorts 2 weeks ago in Paris, for the love of Mike! We've been repeatedly told that it never snows in Nuremberg, but here we are in mid October pulling out the scarves and pop-pom hats.

I Had To Go To France To Figure Out Germany

We're back from our 5 days in Paris, and have spent the last week playing catch up, yelling at our dipstick apartment super (I'll save that one for some other time), restocking the pantry, and cleaning up the joint in anticipation of a dinner party this weekend. But as the title suggests, it took a trip to Paris to help me sort out my feelings on the subject of Berlin, the last major city we visited some 7+ weeks ago (downtown core, the Mitte, pictured) when my parents were visiting. While I wouldn't call it "writer's block," I really couldn't think of anything to say about the place, nevermind it's considered one of the world's great cities. With a visit to another notable European city to put things into perspective, I think I can now say this about Berlin: Meh.

While we have friends who positively rave about Berlin and sneak up there every chance they get, Perhaps I'll qualify my comments by saying that given its size, we didn't have enough time to really get a feel for the place-- after all, its 3.4 million people would make Berlin the 3rd largest city in the USA behind New York and LA and well ahead of Chicago-- and its large area of 344 sq. miles makes it comparable to Dallas, a town synonymous with the word "sprawl" (by comparison, Paris has an area footprint of about 34 square miles). So spending less than 2.5 days there probably did not do Berlin justice. All the same, while it stirred some powerful memories for my Dad (who was in Berlin some 47 years ago as a GI), I found the vibe there to be very hard and gritty and the people to be pretty darned rude. It's not like they haven't heard English before-- but our Bavarian inflected German really seemed to grate on some people (remember, Berliners think Bavarians from southern Germany are all a bunch of dumb hicks-- mix in our American accents, and it seemed to bring out the worst). And despite its obvious place in world history, there really wasn't much to see there (we didn't visit the museums on account of time constraints, true enough). Checkpoint Charlie, the legendary flashpoint of East vs. West is little more than a hideously tacky street full of souvenir shops and guys in fake ill-fitting Russian army uniforms hustling money so you can take a picture with them, and some of the major monuments were moved or removed entirely. History's lessons indeed. But here's the crux and what what I really took home from France last week: Paris struck me as a city that truly wanted to be great, and did whatever it could to make that happen. Berlin seems to have had its greatness bestowed upon it due primarily to geographic and historical circumstances and not any sort of overt effort to become one of the world's major cities. Not everything was bad though-- Berlin is so busy remaking itself that it is an architectural geek's dream, and our brief walking tour of the former Communist-controlled East Berlin was a small treat, and I always treasure my all-too brief visits with my folks. But on the whole, I'll take Munich.

On The Road Again

It's been a few months since we left Germany, and seeing as it's so close (380 miles or so), so romantic, and we got an insanely good deal, we're off to Paris as a late second wedding anniversary present to ourselves (let the record show that B and I spent our entire first anniversary feverishly packing for the move to Germany last year). This will be our 3rd time there-- and we're planning on digging a little bit deeper than the tourist stuff this time. Should be fun. There will be limited access to computers, so blogging will be on the slow side for the next week or so-- ah, who am I kidding-- there's no way I'll be blogging at all-- we're in Paris. Au revoir!

What A Difference A Year Makes

As I type this it's been exactly one year since we left our beloved Portland and moved to Germany. I had been told that settling in to a foreign land is a long process, that these things take time, and finding that right groove would take about a year. I took that with a grain of salt because certain things dealing with the acclimatizing process have come faster for us (and a few things much slower), but I'll go out on a limb and agree with this 12-month thing. I'm finally getting it. This isn't to say that life is getting any easier, but things are doing OK. B's got her 9-5 routine, and it would appear that the apartment will get finished up eventually (most remaining exterior work supposedly gets completed next week), and I'm happy to say I found employment in a field that I'm gaa-gaa over (automotive industry), and there is a plan in place now. Do we miss the USA? But of course. That's always going to be home. But Germany-- and I can't believe I'm saying this-- ain't all that bad.

Best. High Speed. Chase. Ever.

I've managed to wear out our guest Steve with a full day of walking around Nürnberg in 70-plus degree heat, a fair amount of Bavaria's better beers, and.. oh yeah, the poor guy got off the plane 36 hours ago after a 16-hour flight, and is staring down a 9-hour jet lag to boot. So while he's in the guest room sawing logs, I figured I'd put up a companion piece to the comedy video below. This video, however is dead serious, and even non-gearheads will get an adrenaline rush watching it. It's a full lap at speed of the famed Nürburgring race course in northern Germany (not to be confused with Nürnberg's race track, which is called the Norisring), featuring two cars dicing it out, and frankly if this 10-minute video doesn't get your blood pumping, I don't know what will. Yes, it's 10 minutes, but it's an amazing game of cat-and-mouse between a faster car with more speed out of the curves (Dodge Viper), and a more nimble car (Porsche 911) with better brakes, and a craftier, more fearless driver. If you can, go to YouTube to see a larger screen version, and please! Put in your headphones and crank up the volume. Enjoy!

Service Interruption (Again!)

Well, the Berlin and Rhine cruise photos haven't been posted yet from my parent's visit, but we're hosting another guest this week, my old buddy Steve from that toddlin' town of Olympia, Washington (capitol of the Evergreen State, don't cha know). Hiking, historical tours and a fair amount of beer drinking are on deck, and we'll resume normal blogging later next week. Hope everybody enjoyed their summer-- Have a good one everybody!

Best. Low Speed. Chase. Ever.

From the Canadian import The Kids In The Hall TV show. Don't know why I love this skit so much (it's one of my favorites from that show), but it's a good larf. Enjoy!

My Goal, And It's A Modest One...

A series of brisk evenings to break up what's been a brief, hot, sticky summer have descended upon us here in Nuremberg, which shares the same latitude as Vancouver, Canada. A long wet fall followed by a downright chilly (though largely snow-free) winter will happen in the fullness of time. So it's time to devote a little thought as to cold weather projects.

Knowing full well that I can't play competitive full-contact sports with my dodgy back (old snowboard injury) and creeping advancement of age, I've decided to do a work-around to stay close to my beloved adopted game of Australian Rules Football, and recently received materials to be an accredited Umpire (aka referee; old skool attired Aussie Rules ump pictured above signaling a 6-point goal, not the size of the fish that got away). Aussie Rules has its own 6-team club league here in Germany, and I've already made inquiries to the more local teams to see if they'll need a ref for next season (answer: Hells Yeah!), so I have that going for me. The rules book is a bear though: including supplemental material, it weighs in at over 110 pages, and has to be known backwards-and-forwards. Should make for a gripping read this winter.

I've given up on learning any more German-- beyond my painfully limited baby talk and merely so-so broad/general reading comprehension, this language has not exactly opened up its secrets to me. Whatever I do manage to pick up from here forward will be through osmosis and observation, but any more formal instruction seems pointless, frankly. So what does a person with shattered confidence in their language learning abilities do? Teach themselves Esperanto of course! This constructed language (flag above) pulls the best bits of Romance (French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Romanian), German and Slavic languages, blends them together, keeps the rules eminently logical and simple (example: all nouns end in "o"; all adjectives end in "a"), and is actually fairly comprehensible to Romance language-speakers who haven't even seen or heard it previously-- meaning an Esperanto speaker can get their point across throughout most of western Europe without knowing the native language themselves. I'm still slogging through the book, but progress is being made.

The goal by next summer: To be the best Esperanto-speaking Aussie Rules Umpire in all of central Bavaria. I think I can achieve that. I really can.

Wow, That Was Some Visit

Things are slowly returning to normal here at Expat HQ, now that my parents have taken their leave. Looking back, we did a -lot- of stuff, including visiting this city's medieval underground tunnels (used for everything from storage and beermaking to shelter during the war), its dungeon (still underneath city hall), cruised up the Rhine River, spent 3 days in Berlin, had a few side day trips... and we ate a lot of German food. A lot-- arguably more in the course of 2+ weeks than in the 11 months that have preceeded it. There are quite a few photos to sift through, and some work that has been put off that needs to be caught up, so more information will be forthcoming. But let me say that I'm glad my folks had a good visit, and we all had a grand time. Can I sleep in now please Dad? Like, later than 7:30am?

Nifty Advertising

For as long as I've been a car geek, I've always liked Saabs. This Swedish car maker have followed their own path in terms of design and engineering, and have a lot of respect in the automotive industry as a result. I've owned 2 Saabs thus far, a 9-3 (that I'm convinced saved my wife from a terrible injury-- or worse), and a 9-5, and I've written about wanting to purchase a low-mileage Saab 90 here in Europe and export it back to the States when we go home. These days, Saab is very much off the radar due to several factors, not the least of which being neglectful parent General Motors (they bought the marque in the late 1990's hoping to have a fully-formed BMW competitor), who have done nothing but neuter the brand's well-defined image in the interim. GM's recent bankruptcy has led to Swedish hyperexotic supercar maker Koenigsegg agreeing to buy Saab, and the deal should clear by year's end. For their part, the Koenigsegg folks have stated they want to "turn Saab into Saab again," which is music to my ears. This commercial was just released in the UK, and is a great primer as to the originality, fun, quirkiness and intelligence that defines this unique brand. And it's really fun to watch too. Saab is back!

Service Interruption- Please Stand By

B and I host our first guests this week-- my parents have gamely elected to endure the 16-hour plane+airport combo to get here from the Western US. Our time here in the apartment will be hit-and-miss: there is plenty to see and do in the area and region, and despite being here for nearly 11 months, B and I haven't seen a lot of this country ourselves. Mom & Pop's 3-week(!) visit will be capped off with a 3-day stay in the German capitol of Berlin, which at 3.4 million inhabitants is the second most populous city in all of the European Union. As a result, blogging will be sporadic at best for the next few weeks. If the chance presents itself, I will try to post something; if not, enjoy the last days of summer, as we plan on doing.

Huzzah, Soccer Is Back! Um... Did It Ever Leave?

Ah, the return of the European soccer (Fußball) season where in Germany the Bundesliga soccer federation runs the show. Like most worldwide soccer federations, German Bundesliga teams rise and fall amongst different tiers depending on their win/loss record-- the three teams with the best records get "promoted" to the next tier; the bottom 3 get "relegated" to the lower tier. The main difference between the tiers is money-- the upper tiers get a bigger piece of the massive TV contract pie, and from there have the wherewithal to wheel and deal to get the top players; the lower leagues (there are 4 total tiers) make do with the comparitive table scraps, and are mainly supported by their fan bases, an occasional televised game and some sort of allowance from the league offices. The big news in town is that after being in the Bundesliga 2 (second tier) for a long, long time, the storied FC Nürnberg (Fußball Club Nürnberg) team finished 3rd in the final standings last season, and gets to play with the big boys this season-- a VERY big deal here.

My problem lies with the fact that I really don't think there's been an actual offseason-- soccer is always on the tube, and some of these squads play literally year-round, either touring around for money, or in "test matches" (basically games that do not impact their league rankings) with upper or lower teams from home and abroad. I mean, I love watching Aussie Rules football and auto racing, but I need a break from those once in a while too. But Soccer is king here, and these folks just can't get enough. That being said, I do plan on catching a game or 2 this season, though I may just go to the neighboring town of Fürth to watch their 2nd tier squad play-- it's a pleasant bike ride, the ticket prices are more reasonable, and the stadium is cozy (about 15,000 capacity-- and half of those "seats" are in the standing only area). The best part? The team is owned by the same guy that owns Playmobil toys, so the stadium is called, appropriately, Playmobil Stadium.

Strange And Beautiful

In light of my ranting below, perhaps it's time to take a mental sorbet, clear the air, and post this wondrous piece of video confectionary, the song "Mirador" by Danish band Efterklang. The video (and its storyline) matches up with the song quite well-- tiny yet sweepingly grand, joyous and melancholy, and overall very adventurous. I'll wager you've never seen or heard anything quite like this. It's a small revelation. Enjoy.

I've Had Better Weeks

As I general rule, I try to keep this blog's content on the lighter side-- I mean, it's hard to complain too hard when you're living in Europe, have the ability to pick-and-choose work assignments and have all the inherent opportunities that living abroad entails. However... sometimes you gotta vent. To wit:

The place still isn't finished. This may come as a surprise to some seeing that we moved in to the apartment nearly eight months ago. But here I am typing this while 10 feet away a workman is slowly completing trim painting that should have been done before they handed us the keys. The corker is that I completely cleared my schedule last week-- errands, doctor appointments, you name it-- to take on the onerous, stultifyingly boring task of sitting here inside all day every day so the building super could throw all his guys at the place and be completely, 100% done by August 1. You see, this apartment's owners, a very cool young couple from Frankfurt, drove out a couple weeks ago to ride this guy and force him to complete the work by this deadline. But like any slick operator, the super (who comes with the building) knows the law backwards and forwards (circumstantial evidence points to the fact that he has a local judge in his pocket), and knows there is what amounts to be a "3 Strikes" rule in Germany-- he was reprimanded once already, and Friday afternoon was merely his second. So despite his promises to this couple who took time out of their vacation to come out, despite him knowing that I committed myself to sticking around the place to let any and all workmen in... he had absolutely no intention of completing the work-- why should he? He was merely putting this off as long as he could until he collected a second reprimand. The super just had to ride out a couple people yelling at him for 30 minutes, make some more of his empty promises, and then get on with his life-- sort of like industry execs at a senate hearing. But even some of his answers were infuriating-- stuff that should have been here last year (we were supposed to move in last October-- the first of many broken deadlines) was just ordered from the supplier last week. Crap like that. We all felt punked, me especially. So now that he's on his 3rd strike, he's begrudgingly getting on with things... except he also knows (and is counting on) the fact that I won't be here all week, and with my parents' impending visit he also knows that there is a requested work stoppage for most of August-- so all of a sudden it's our fault that he can't complete the work. Like I said, real crooks know the law.

I should point out that all evidence points to the fact that this situation is highly unusual. Most building supervisors in Germany are responsible upstanding folks who take their jobs very seriously and with pride. Our building owner and the individual apartment owners (this is sort of like a condo arrangement) apparently chose this guy as a super because he promised the world, and worked for cheap. But seeing as he's screwed over nearly everybody in the building, his contract likely won't get renewed when it comes up in November. Small comfort, but we'll take anything at this point.

Blogging Badasses: One Up, One Down

I haven't really made much ado about the blogroll feature on the right hand side of this page. It's basically blogs of things I find interesting, are cracking good reads, or simply worth checking out-- trust me. Some of them (like the immensely popular Paris Daily Photo) really need no introduction, but seeing as I'm adding a new one today, may as well give a shout out to the newbies.

La Voie Rapide (The Fast Track) which has been linked on the sidebar for a little while, details the life of my ol' college pal KS, a Hoosier currently living in the South of France with her French (sorry-Alsatian) husband and two lovely daughters and living the dream. K was one of the few people who thumbed through my record cabinet (yes kids, we used to use to have music on this stuff called "vinyl") back at school and didn't laugh or make a face-- remember, I was listening to stuff like Nitzer Ebb, Siouxsie & The Banshees and Echo And The Bunnymen when my roommates were listening to "Best of Skynyrd" (true story). These days between swim classes for the girls, she's plotting on a way to make it to Prague, Czech Republic to catch the upcoming Radiohead concert (also a true story).

Sunday Gravy is a fairly new blog recommended to me by my friend (and regular reader) W in Seattle. This blog's byline is "Life, Love And The Pursuit Of A Good Meal." Great sentiments all, I'd say. Author-creator DB is just getting started, but it's boffo stuff so far-- and because I miss my old stomping grounds, I quite like that it definitely has a distinct Pacific Northwest slant to it. Makes me hungry just reading it too!

As the title suggests, a blog has also been dropped. Nürnberg Daily Photo hasn't been updated since mid-March, and there seemed to be no plans to kick start it again so it has been regrettably removed from the blogroll-- shame, as this is a beautiful and historical city where B and I currently hang our hats. Did you know the first practical small clocks and wristwatches came from Nuremberg? Nope, me neither.

How to Beat Downtime: Reframe The Word "Excellent"

My old pal George L. from Vancouver Canada was, in his prime, one of the best and most respected ice climbers and mountaineers in all of the Great White North. He may have slowed down in the intervening years (he's now happily married, a proud papa, and a respected authority on the subject of safety rigging at heights), but back when he was regularly mountain climbing I had a chance to ask him how he got through being snowed-in for days at a time in an impossibly small tent on the side of a glaciated peak-- a situation that would make most people both claustrophobic and a tad batty. His reply was surprisingly matter-of-fact: You just have to adjust your thinking-- instead of letting the situation get the better of you, change it to "Today, I'm going to re-read the one book I brought for the fourth time and in 3 hours I'm going to leave this tent for a bathroom break, and it's going to be great." I can't say I fully appreciated this old mountain dog's wisdom until I moved here. Being underemployed as I am (yes, some scattered projects and pick-up work are always in the mix), means that to keep busy and active I make my daily routine incredibly inefficient, now even more so that my gym closed abruptly and unannounced (and right after I gave him a 3-month payment, natch). So when I go grocery shopping, even though I know for a fact we're going to run out of something in a couple days, I purposefully won't buy its replacement until the time comes. For instance: we ran out of paper towels last night, bingo bango, there was a building block of today's activities. Now, I gotta admit, I took the tram to the far side of the Altstadt first to check to see if a place will air a certain sporting broadcast, tried to buy some bedsheets at the department store (our current flannel sheets just aren't cutting it in the summertime) but then I set off across the city and homeward to find the final goal-- paper towels. And this was indeed most excellent. My other task of sitting around while the comically incompetent workmen continue to finish off the apartment (yes folks, 8 months after moving in we're still waiting on some minor interior and all exterior work to wrap up) isn't so excellent, but it needs to be done-- take the bad with the good, right?

File under "unrelated and meaningless milestones," but this post marks the 100th (!!) entry of this blog. As it was envisioned, I expected to hit this mark some time ago. As always, I will endeavor to be better in the future. Thanks to my regular readers, and all you lurkers too-- we're just warming up here, so keep reading!

Don't Look At Me Like That-- I've Been Busy!

Well, it took longer than planned but the descriptions to the Dublin photos have finally been added. Please do check it out-- all sorts of stuff in there. Follow the link at the side of the page, and click on each individual photo to get a full-size shot and informationally entertaining blurb.

Been away from town for the last week, helping out my old employer at a trade show in southwestern Germany. I was a little out of practice with the 14-hour day life of a show exhibitor but it's like riding a bike-- I've been doing this sort of thing for close to 15 years and it all came back to me. Made some good contacts for my sideline writing business, and caught up with old friends. The next great push is to get the place ship-shape for my folk's visit in a couple weeks. Hey, after the trade show, anything is a piece of cake!

Anyhoo, check out the Dublin photos and descriptions now!

Dublin Photos are Up!

Sorry for the delay, but the Dublin and southern Ireland photos are now up. To access them, either click the "Our Photo Album" link on the right side of this webpage or click HERE. For those keeping score, the descriptions are missing, but will be added later-- this was taking too long to post, and with me heading out of town for the remainder of the week for a trade show, it was better to post something than nothing, right?

We had a very good time there with our friend K, her sister and mother. My impressions of Dublin are are all positive, and for a couple of folks not used to the local population understanding or speaking English, this was actually a bit of a culture shock-- we were hesitant to talk!! Dublin is also a low-slung city-- and by that I mean that it was pretty rare to see buildings taller than 4 stories high. This made things more down to earth and "human scale" for such a large metropolitan area. Everybody warned us about the pricing there, and we were prepared for it-- but yes, it's costly even for folks used to dealing with Euros. The people are as friendly and good natured as you can imagine, and the shopping was top notch. A good length of visit is 3 days-- the downtown area is compact enough that you can pack the sites in without running yourself ragged. Will we go back? Well, there's plenty of European cities and countries we haven't seen that are still on the to-do list, but I certainly wouldn't say no to checking out Dublin a second time.

Enjoy the pics, and more commentary will be added later!

Getting Groceries Here Takes A While

Well, the hurlyburly from the last week is finally settling down-- our flood-damaged apartment is being taken care of 100%, and all the remaining minor work on the place (yes, it still isn't complete 7 months after move-in) will be completed as well. The Ireland and some other local day trip photos are in the process of getting edited and put up on the photo site, and overall, all is well. But while that's getting done and dusted, one of this here blog's longtime readers asked for more "slice of life" stuff-- what daily life entails here in Deutschland. So here we go.

Today was my bride's birthday, and she was going to treat herself this evening with some Mexican food that our friends brought over from the USA to Ireland (you simply can not get decent Mexican food here in central Bavaria, and the stuff they claim is "Mexican food" brings me back to Taco Day at my elementary school in the 1970's-- it's just crap), and we in turn brought back here. Anyhoo, to complete the dish I had to get one small white onion, some Jack or Gouda cheese, and cilantro. Easy job, just go to the grocery store, right? Oh, you silly readers-- this is Germany, remember? This meant I had to go to 6 different stores to get these 3 ingredients.

1. The grocery store right around the corner does sell white onions... in a 2-pound bag. I only needed one, so I left.

2. Then I went to my regular fruit & vegetable shop. No white onions, but they did have a regular yellow onion. Sheesh, I bought it, hoping I could find a white one later. They also had a small cheese case, and when I asked him for either Gouda or Jack, all I got was a blank stare. How do you describe what Jack cheese tastes like to somebody who's never had it, and with my limited vocabulary? After a time (and with impatient customers starting to line up behind me), he suggested that I just go to a grocery store.

3. You can get cilantro at exactly one store in this city of 500,000. It's a crazy Asian market that sells everything from food to those ceramic waving cat things to bras. And they were out of cilantro (known here as "corriander"). The girl behind the counter speaks excellent English, and advised that I come back in 2 hours-- maybe their weekly delivery would be in at that time. Luckily, the delivery truck was pulling up just as I was about to leave. Cilantro purchased; yay, score one for the good guys.

4. The specialty cheese shop down the street from the Asian market (mind you I was walking this entire time) where I knew for certain I could find Gouda was... closed. It's Monday after all. Wha?

5. Went to the OTHER grocery store in the area which has a decent cheese section. They stock Gouda, but they were... out. No white onions there either.

6. Hopped on a tram for the Hail-Mary, the overpriced all-natural store (think Zuppan's or Whole Foods), and yes, they had the cheese, plus some other odds and ends too (this store also happens to be the only place in the city that sells ground turkey-- and if I told you just how much they charge for it, you'd then ask me why I haven't gone vegetarian). Still no white onions, but I considered this mission accomplished-- B gets the meal she's been looking forward to for a long, long time.

Wow, that only took 90+ minutes to do. American supermarkets never fail to impress foreign visitors, who are used to things like stand-alone pharmacies, bakeries and fruit stands in their neighborhoods-- all of it under one roof is incredibly exotic-- not unheard of, but still a rather odd concept for many. But this afternoon is also pretty typical for me-- it really isn't all that unusual to have to go to 2 or 3 stores just to get basic grocery shopping accomplished, or get the foods you prefer-- and special or ethnic meals require a lot of time and planning, and maybe a trip or two out of town for those hard-to-find ingredients. It's all part of the rich experience of living here... but being a spoiled Yank, I don't thnk I'll ever get used to it.

Faith and Begorrah! An Irish Tale

Just got back from Ireland last night, and the pics will be edited and uploaded in due time. It was a fun 4 days and even though it can be pricey, we'd recommend Dublin to everybody (it's a compact enough city where you can comfortably see all the sights in 3 days without exerting yourself), and we got to spend some all-too-brief time with our friends from Portland.

But... the holiday ended with a deafening thud. The Dublin airport showed itself to be an overcrowded and chaotic facility that clearly hasn't kept pace with the explosive growth and popularity of the city. The connecting Frankfurt airport was its usual rabbit warren of bureaucracy, long lines and even longer distances between gates (we easily had to do a half-mile jog to get onto our homeward flight in time). And we received some disheartening news whilst in Frankfurt to top things off: The apartment flooded. Again. For the second time in 6 weeks. But this time there was nobody there to bail the water.

We came home looking much like Batman's Chief O'Hara in the picture. Standing water everywhere, our nice oriental wool carpets destroyed, living & dining room furniture ruined or severely damaged, and some of our electronics took the hit too. We spent the better part of the early AM trying to clean up, and I'm taking a break from wet-vacuuming right now. B has been working the phones with her company's HR/relocation team, the insurance company, our building super and the actual property owners (all of whom are engaging in a game of finger pointing and responsibility-dodging). Due to the vagaries of the German laws and the contracts and agreements we did (and did not) sign, it is entirely conceivable that the costs of reparing all of this damage-- ALL OF IT will come out of our pocket, but it's too early to tell, and this process will no doubt drag on for a long, long time.

Um, could we go back to Ireland? It was nice there.

Stay tuned...

Ireland Bound

Another month, another foreign country it seems. We're off for a whirlwind (why did we make this trip so darn short?) jaunt to Dublin, Ireland to soak in the scene, recharge our batteries, and most importantly meet up with our good friend KS from Portland. Should be a blast. Watch this space for news and pictures upon our return!

Let Me Get this Straight: You Want What You Ordered?!?

We were warned about this, even by our German friends who spent some time abroad-- German customer service can be an elusive beast. Overall, we've been treated with what I'll call "benign indifference" for the most part-- we're not exactly high maintenance folks, and it's not like we ask anybody to go above and beyond their job description. Plus, we knew what to expect before moving over here-- so the bar is set rather low. But today was one of those bizarro culture clashes that really falls outside the lines.

I've written about the regional bakery chain Der Beck before-- they are as commonplace in Nuremberg as, say Dunkin Donuts (for this blog's USA east coast readers) or Starbucks (west coast), and they make a decent, if unspectacular group of products, as well as some of the better coffee in town. We were there to buy bottled jam of all things (Der Beck is very big on local sourcing and no preservatives), and that's when the fun began. I asked for strawberry jam in German, the person at the counter repeated my request back to me, handed me a jar from behind the counter, took my money, and gave me change. It was then that I noticed that I was given "Strawberry-Lime" jam. When B protested, the lady got a tad snotty, and indicated that they are sold out of strawberry, and all they have is Strawberry-Lime. OK then... we'll come back some other time, no big deal, give us our €1.95 back. She then told us that there are NO REFUNDS at Der Beck, so tough luck, try another flavor. Um, the item I ordered and you confirmed back to me was out, you knowingly slipped us the wrong flavor, refuse to refund my money and this is somehow MY fault? Ay Curamba! We were saved from any further blowups when the counter lady searched one more time and found one remaining bottle of strawberry-- you know, the flavor I ordered. Sheesh. This is almost precisely the behavior I was warned about.

This isn't to say that all CS stinks here-- far from it; a lot of it is quite good. I've come to find out that it's all about building relationships with the shopkeepers. So when we left Der Beck to go to the fruit and vegetable stand where I'm a regular (they put up with my lousy German and practice their English on me) to get fresh cherries, the dude behind the deli counter waves me over and cuts me a slice of salami and fresh camembert to snack on. Schmeckt Gut (tastes good)! Regarding the cherries, I'm having some right now and they sadly don't even come close to the fabulousity that is the Rainier Cherry.

Random Shots: Fun With The City Crest

Recently spotted the logo on the left at a (closed) music club. I like it for any number of aesthetic reasons-- very distinct, the colors pop, etc.-- but I also like it because it is clearly meant to mimic the ancient Nuremberg Coat Of Arms on the right. Not sure how many people picked up on that, but there it is.

Blue Night: High Art Meets Public Drunkeness

This is a bit old and out of sequence, but I managed to salvage a couple shots off of my camera phone from "Die Blaue Nacht," The Blue Night in English. Every May all of downtown Nuremberg has the public streetlight bulbs replaced or covered with illumination that bathes the city an eerie blue glow. Beyond the public displays of art everywhere, all city museums, churches, art galleries, pubs and some stores are open until the wee hours (in some cases 4:00 or 5:00am), and everyone basically lets their hair down. You see, it's been my observation that Germans really don't go completely bonkers unless it's been cleared and OK'd by some official (city, state, countrywide) decree. Talk about your pent-up emotions! The crowds at Blue Night made the annual downtown Christmas celebration (which draws upwards of 2 million visitors over the course of a month) look like a kiddie parade-- I've NEVER seen the city this packed, and it comes about as close to population density as Times square at New Year's Eve-- the city itself predicted a crowd size of 125,000-- more than 25% of the entire city population-- in attendance. Plus, everybody was roaring drunk. Funny at times sure, but occasionally uncomfortable too. Anyways, B was in China on her business trip so I walked around with our German friend, and we had ourselves a look. Overall, it was certainly impressive but I've never been a fan of mobs and I'm glad we found ourselves a couple of quiet rest stops along the way. Would I do it again? Ask me next May.

Free Bavaria!

It's election time here in Germany and I honestly haven't been keeping up on it-- far a start, I believe the actual voting begins in September, and being an American expat I cannot vote anyways. Like many European countries, Germany enjoys a healthy number of "third parties," usually single-issue campaigns whose candidates ultimately hope to influence the large parties into taking their position.

So here we have the poster of the Bayernpartei (Bavaria Party), a gang of loose nuts who want to secede from Germany. I can sort of see their tortured logic-- as a geographic area, Bavaria has uniquely distinct culture and traditions, its own dialect and the healthiest economy in all of Germany, yet tends to be treated by the high-falutin' northern German intelligentsia (Berliners and folks from Cologne) as a bunch of country bumpkins. Still, this is an idea and political party that is dead on arrival, though it's interesting to see the general reaction the party is receiving-- Northern Germans' attitude tends to be a "yeah whatever-- don't forget to take your horrible accent with you, ya hicks," while the locals view this with a sense of bemusement. The party does tap into Bavarian's inferiority complex, and maybe that's the idea. But just as Quebec finally got enough momentum to try and split from Canada some 15 years ago in a national referendum (defeated by the rest of that country by a fairly narrow vote as I recall) after decades of behind-the-scenes work and stirring up the population, this party and its ideas will likely be around for a while.

Ask And Ye Shall Receive

In response to a comment and question from reader "W" (I think I know who this person is...) regarding the previous post leads us to this entry, more info and pics from the Bergkirchweih beer festival in Erlangen, Germany. See folks-- we do read your comments!! Anyhoozle, to answer the question at hand, we were drinking something called "festbier," which is strictly for events like this, and not bottled. This is a stronger take (e.g. more alcohol) on the traditional Helles or Landbier varieties. all I know is, is was very smooth, with a hint of citrus on the palate, and a touch of floral nose. Oh yes, and it was cold, and got the job done. For the record, we each had exactly 3 mugs of beer during the 7 or so hours we were there-- and believe me, that was enough.

Apologies in advance for the lousy photos-- these were all taken on my cell phone and about half of the shots had the "night" setting on, which made the photos appear foggy. Also, we really didn't move a whole lot-- we were lucky enough to get seats, it was unbelieveably crowded, we liked our table companions, and we weren't about to wander. Oddly enough, Nuremberg is about to launch its own beer festival this coming week (starting on Wednesday), and that is walking distance from our place. I'm not a huge beer guy mind you, but when in Rome...

You can view the photos from the Bergkirchweih HERE, or click on the link on the right hand margin. Prost!

Put On Your Drinking Pants: Checking Out The Beer Festival

A couple towns over from Nuremberg is the university town of Erlangen, home to the Bergkirchweih (aka the Berg)-- an annual, 12-day long outdoor beer festival that dates to 1755. This fest is well-known to Germans, but not so much to foreigners, making it distinctly more "German"-- and Bavarian-- than Munich's internationally renowned Oktoberfest.

The photos I did manage to take don't quite spell out the enormity of the event-- the dedicated Berg grounds are over a half-mile in size, multi-tiered on a hillside and include amusemment park rides. Multiple breweries set up shop in their dedicated "kellers," basically concrete bunkers, and all they do is pump out a special festival beer-- a high-alcohol brew served exclusively in one liter (over 1 quart) mugs. Even though our group of 4 (an English couple invited us) got there fairly early in the day, we were still lucky to find seats, and we set to the task at hand-- drinking some fine beer at a leisurely pace on a nice sunny day.

This was our first-ever beer fest, anywhere, and I was seriously impressed-- for a start, the Bavarians have a beer-fest uniform, and I'd guess that maybe 20% of the crowd were wearing theirs-- checkered shirts and suede leather knickers (lederhosen), socks and special shoes for the guys (after a time, we started calling them "drinking pants"), and a tradtitional, usually colorful dress for the ladies. Our English friends were blown away at the mellow vibe-- they told us that if you got this many British or Irish folks in one place and added beer, there would be brawls everywhere. With live bands playing every couple hundred feet (usually stationed above the concrete bier kellers, playing everything from American hard rock to German drinking songs), the place was jumping, and the sense of camaraderie was palpable-- everybody was high-fiving, toasting (saying "Prost!" while clinking glasses and maintaining eye-contact with your fellow toaster), linking up arms and singing and swaying to the music. Pretty cool stuff. The experience really felt like walking into a bear hug from some sweaty, besotted stranger, and it was oddly comforting-- imagine being at a party with 15,000 of your closest friends you don't know. As day progressed into night, the crowds only got bigger, and there were easily 20,000 people looking to sit down in the roughly 11,000 seats (Berg festival attendance averages 1 million visitors over the 12 days, and it seemed like all of them came on that night). We slipped out of there at 9:30 and took the train home, pleasantly buzzed and feeling a little more at home here in Germany.

Eurovision 2009: What The Hell Was That?!

So our English neighbors ('scuse me: neighbours) invited us to their apartment this past weekend to see the Eurovision Finals. I figured they were referring to the Eurosport channel (similar to ESPN), and the neverending soccer matches, so the plan was to go up there with some beer and a bemused attitute. Before we went up, I did manage to figure out that this is some sort of singing/talent contest-- think European Idol, only much, much bigger. I had no idea.

Eurovision is a frenetically paced televised song contest that dates back to the mid-1950's, and is one of the most-watched broadcasts of the year. The participating countries that can submit artists must be members of something called the European Broadcasting Union which is a bit of a misnomer as it includes countries in Northern Africa, the Middle East and the former Soviet Union. As of this year, a whopping 51 countries have participated at least once, but for the actual broadcast the number of entries was capped at 25 for the sake of brevity (apparently, there are all sorts of semi-finals and eliminations leading up to the Big Broadcast). At any rate we were treated to 25 completely unmemorable songs in all styles, and a great many of them were so middle of the road, I thought I was at a Hootie & The Blowfish covers night or something. Our group (3 Brits, 3 Americans, 1 German) figured that because the songs were all so vanilla the presentation was the key, so for no good reason we were all rooting for the entries that had a touch of showmanship: Greece (an oilier Ricky Martin), Turkey (funky belly dancing), Germany (home team, and fairly burlesque), and the Ukraine, which was so absolutely over the top we were all cracking up over it. Naturally, none of these guys won-- the Norweigans did by a massive margin, with a song that none of us could remember 5 minutes after we saw it. Eurovision voting is heavily political and the votes are cast by phone-- but in an attempt to be fair, you can't vote for your home country. Anyway, it was a fun night. The Ukrainian video is above, and teeters on the NSFW, as it positively drips with sexuality-- crotch shots, engine graphics in the background, the shirtless Roman Guard flipping the bird... maybe it requires 3 beers to be as amusing as we thought at the time, but have at it.